UNDERSTANDING GRIEF : BY LITSA WILLIAMS
"In the beginning, grief is a fog—a thick, dense, and never-ending barrier between you and the world as you once knew it. You figured it would lift, as fog tends to do, but after days and then weeks spent under its heavy cloak, you begin to wonder if it’s become a part of your everyday life. In those moments, you might have thought, “All I want is to feel better,” because you want to feel normal, whatever that may mean to you. Yet the simplicity of a ‘normal’ existence seems unfathomable. Impossible even. Then, one day, you look around and realize you can see a little further in front of you. Things are more colorful and they’re coming into clarity. The days start getting a little bit easier, the nights a little more restful. The tears come a little less and things like laughter, joy, and gratitude are once again a part of your emotional repertoire. The smallest sliver of light cuts into the dark and you realize that this must be what ‘healing from grief’ looks like... " ​Keep Reading >

If I could tell you anything, to save you the time and the lessons in this life, I would tell you to never let anything that happens turn you bitter. Don't let the pain of something that was out of your hands turn you cold. Love, stay soft, as hard as that is sometimes, try. Try with all of your heart to stay tender. I know there's a lot of things that hurt, take us to our knees and threaten our hearts. Let it go in your own time. You can't change it, but you can choose to not let it change you. Don't let the pain define you. You are bigger than that. Let it hurt, then let it heal, but don't linger there. Remember who you are and always rise.

After a significant loss, life may never seem quite the same again. But in time, you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future, and eventually come to some terms with your loss.

Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.

Fact: Moving forward only means you've accepted your loss—but that's not the same as forgetting. You can move forward with your life and keep the memory of someone as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.

For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything… and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Dear Heavenly Father,
I'm thankful to be alive to see a new year. I'm thankful for the lives of my loved ones and Thankful for your unlimited grace. As we've entered a New Year, I pray You to continue watching over us and protecting us. Please help us get closer to You in this New Year with greater faith and boundless love.

A practice of holding on and letting go
of letting in and letting out
of falling and rising
of speaking and listening
of honoring and living
of trembling and soothing
of carving out a space for love and loss to coexist
in our heads and in our hearts.
A practice of being human.

We think about you always.
We talk about you still.

You have never been forgotten,
and you never will.
​
We hold you close within our hearts,
and there you will remain.

To walk and guide us through our lives,
until we meet again.

by Zahahd Irfan

​Those special memories of you
will always bring a smile
if only I could have you back
just for a while
Then we could sit and talk again
just like we used to do
You always meant so very much
and always will do too
The fact that you're no longer here
will always cause me pain
but you're forever in my heart
until we meet again.

1.) They move on. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
2.) They embrace change. They welcome challenges.
3.) They stay happy. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t control.
4.) They are kind, fair, and unafraid to speak up.
5.) They are willing to take calculated risks.
6.) They celebrate other people’s success. They don’t resent that success.

A new start brings about so many unknowns that you may fear, but you will never know what good can come by staying where you are! Let go of your fears and allow yourself to imagine what possibilities life can bring this year.
“If all you can do is crawl,
start crawling.”
– Rumi

​It's not always easy, but try to let in joy and gratitude. Find ways to relax, recharge, and connect with others during the holidays. "Grief and Gratitude can sit at the same table." We can mourn and grieve for our losses, but also embrace the things that we are grateful for during the holidays and days to come.

"Grieving is a lengthy process. In the beginning, it is all-encompassing. With time, it lessens and will come on in smaller bouts. It is very much like waves when it comes on, and you must ride that wave until the next break. Just know there will be a break."
- Kasia Ciszewski LPC
5 Reasons Grief Comes in Waves (And How to Deal with it)

“Sometimes people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them”

Others won't always honor you and your family members by allowing you to communicate the depth of your emotional reaction to your losses without any implication that "you shouldn't feel as sad as you do." The bottom line is simple. All loss is experienced at 100%. There are no half grievers. That does not mean that all losses are equal or are perceived at the same level of emotional intensity. It just means that the emotional pain is unique to each griever and to the relationship they had with the person who has passed.

- griefrecoverymethod.com

Finding peace while grieving is definitely personal to each widow.  How to “feel at peace” isn’t easy, but it is a necessary part of our journey so that our hearts can heal.
Some widows turn to spiritual reading, whether it’s the bible or something inspirational. Meditation and exercise are also good for you, plus being out in nature or listening to music can have the same calming effect.

More on How to Feel at Peace...

"We are not either happy or sad. We are not either grieving or grateful. We are not either content or despairing. We are both/and. In early grief, it is hard if not impossible to imagine ever being happy again, and yet, slowly, moments in touch with joy accrue by seconds and minutes and, later, hours or even days of contentment. Gradually, we regain the capacity to feel joyful, and we feel this in the same space as grieving. Even in moments of joy or lightness, we still know grief—because there is always this ongoing longing for our loved one, for their voice, for their hug, for their touch, for their simple presence. We may also feel grateful for what we have even as we experience despair over what we’ve lost."

by Joanne Cacciatore
Read more...  Bearing the Unbearable 

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.
​
ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS